My, oh my. Were it not for Tim and my family this week has been quite fucking rotten. Being dependent on others to make your life good, as if the case for me now, sure has its drawbacks. Without mentioning anything in particular it sure feels as if life is pulling my leg right now. Not funny.
But hey! Up comes a new week of adventures. Yay.
I’ve had this bad feeling in my body the entire day. Frankly it’s making me a bit uneasy since I’m not entirely sure from where it comes. Well I do have my suspicions but yeah. Apart from that it was a somewhat good day with both ups and downs. But yeah that feeling of not being good enough is still there. Lingering.
Tomorrow I’m gonna buy something good to eat and drink and get proper drunk actually. At least that’s how I feel now. It’s been a while. Would’ve gone for it tonight already if it weren’t for the fact that I have to work tomorrow and there are important things to be done. So I’ll just go to bed instead. I’m actually quite tired.
I’m just having this odd feeling that I don’t really wanna do anything at all. Not really feeling like it. Think I’m just gonna go to bed. Oh wait, I have 30 minutes left of the Xmas special of Black Mirror. That first. Then bed.
Had a friend ask me today if I was feeling sad. Figured so because I’ve kept to myself a bit lately. Said I’m just fine. And while it wasn’t exactly a lie I guess it’s not entirely true either. Like I said, it’s not the best part of the year. Also, I… well, there’s this thing I’m going through with my therapist.
It’s an underlying emotion or feeling I have of not being good enough. Or maybe not being OK the way I am. And lately I’ve had a bit of an issue with that. I feel like I’m the second best thing of sort. Second choice. Not entirely appreciated. And when things like today happen, when two friends have to cancel our plans, and I’ve just said no to another friend, it just… sucks.
I guess I just wanna feel like I’m someone’s favorite person again. You know?
But hey, it’ll get better. I feel stronger than ever and I can deal with this really good. I know it’s just a passing feeling and that I have caring friends around me as was obvious by the question I got. It warms my heart that people are perceptive of things I don’t really think about myself.
But I’m gonna go to bed. Sleep tight little ones~
I had a really good weekend despite numerous change of plans. Today, though, has been far from optimal. Hiccups and issues. Hard to focus. Just feeling a bit blue today. Which is odd because the day wasn’t all that bad. Lots of laugh with my colleagues as usual but yeah. Some things just put me off. Let’s hope tomorrow turns out better…