Insignificant but disturbingly honest

Category: Feelings (page 1 of 23)

Quench

I’ve had this bad feeling in my body the entire day. Frankly it’s making me a bit uneasy since I’m not entirely sure from where it comes. Well I do have my suspicions but yeah. Apart from that it was a somewhat good day with both ups and downs. But yeah that feeling of not being good enough is still there. Lingering.

Tomorrow I’m gonna buy something good to eat and drink and get proper drunk actually. At least that’s how I feel now. It’s been a while. Would’ve gone for it tonight already if it weren’t for the fact that I have to work tomorrow and there are important things to be done. So I’ll just go to bed instead. I’m actually quite tired.

Yep.

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Endorphins

Oh em gee! I just watched the season finale of Halt and Catch Fire season 3. And had a beer. And some whiskey. The feeling at the moment. Man, I’ve not felt this great in ages. Might be because I’m slightly crushing on someone too. Maybe. Just very, very slightly. But still. I had a chat with a friend the other day about the feeling you have the moment you realize that you’re mutually in love with someone. This is the closest I’ve got to that in yeeeeeears. And I know I’m not even close to that situation but still. I’m just gonna enjoy this moment as much as I possibly can.

Halt and Catch Fire. Joe. Gordon. Cameron. Donna. You are the fucking best! You know that?! I know that you’re only fictional but you are my role models. You are what I would wanna be if I were serious about my career. I wish I had people like that to work with. Then again I do have the best colleagues in the world but I don’t know if anyone is serious in that kind of way. Really, this show. It is one of the best shows I’ve ever watched. Maybe because it hits close to home. It is… brilliant! BRILLIANT! Feels a bit like family.

And now, I just can’t stop smiling. Haha. I’m just all smiles in my bed right now. And this gut feeling is the best. Peeps, this is what life should be like. Really. I’m sure I’ll be back tomorrow with an equally depressing post but this feeling is worth one hundred bad days. I’m sure I’ll regret saying that, haha.

Ok, so I better get some sleep anyway. Tomorrow we’re having a photographer over at work. Apparently there will be photos of the place in general as well as portrait photos shot. Soooooooo. Might not wanna look like a fucking ghost. Damn, wish I was back on Mallorca. Sun. That was nice. Next year!

Sweet dreams y’all and lovesies~

So lucky ♥ T_T

I was just thinking, was this my first week of work after the vacation? But no, it wasn’t. I worked for three weeks before going to Majorca. I was just about to say though that once you work five days a week you start to value your weekend and thus your spare time a whole lot more than when you’re on vacation. It’s insane how quickly these days pass really. Insane.

Made that statement like a thousand times though so nothing new under the sun. Apart from that I’ve had a great weekend. Been having it a bit tough mentally lately. Lots of stuff happening. Lots of thoughts and emotions. Since getting better after last year’s meltdown I’ve mainly breezed through life. It’s been pretty easy. I haven’t really had to try to feel good about myself. And have a good time. It has just happened. Lately that has changed a bit, although not a whole much. But a bit.

The difference now though is that I can see that those are only temporary feelings. And that I don’t have to act on those feelings and let them control me. I can let them be there, and be aware of them, and let them give insight into what’s happening. But I don’t have to let them ruin, for lack of a better word, my day or what not. I also try to turn the situation around. Like for instance if I feel that I’m missing something, I look to what I have instead. And to what all that I have in my life would have been worth, like five years ago.

Only this weekend I’ve hung out with six different groups of people in different occasions. That would have been impossible years ago. I would have been a wreck. Not to mention the fact that I wouldn’t have dared to get to know them. Now I don’t even have to think about that. I only have a good time. It might seem odd to most of you who haven’t faced the same issues but I’m sooooooo happy that it is this way now. So happy that I get to meet all of these peeps and have a good time. It’s not at all something one should take for granted, quite the opposite.

That said, things can always get better and I’m hoping that the future has some good things in store for me 🙂 It’s looking bright!

Hugs and night!

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Brooklyn

I don’t know what it is with me and gripping movies. It is a love hate relationship. On one hand I really love them. I love to be moved. I love to feel. I love to laugh. And cry. It makes you feel alive. On the other hand it also gets you in touch with your feelings and your innermost longings. It can be quite painful at times, since those things are stuff that you push aside from your everyday life and that you only get reminded of from time to time when they pop up like Jack in the box. In the end though it is a pleasant feeling and you do want those moments. They are very dear to me and I never regret it.

Just now I watched this very touching and heart warming movie called Brooklyn. It starred an actress that I really like and that I think is quite underrated. She is so talented and so pretty. She does her roles with such calm and elegance. Especially in this movie. I would very much like to recommend it. It is somewhat of a coming of age movie and also about issues that we all might come to deal with. Perhaps that is why you feel so much what of what Eilis (the main character) goes through emotionally.

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Finish updating already…

Pretty boring day. But quite productive. Had a bad biking session earlier. Or not bad per say but comparatively. Really tired now. Feeling gloomy these last days. So much good behind me. Not sure what lies ahead. Can’t quite shake a bad feeling that I currently have. But I’m sure it’ll go away eventually. Tomorrow is Friday. This weekend I’m biking with my colleagues husband, Anders. And on Sunday I will hopefully see Elin and watch a movie. We also need to get some work done. Not looking forward to the latter part of this year though. Blah.

Thank god. The phone just signaled its done. Great. Sleep here I come.

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