Why is it that with some things I can really push through, while with others I give up so easily? Or I get totally crushed by defeat. It is at those moments you need to rise up and get stronger. With my exercise I’m quite good with that, even though my motivation drops now that my energy in general gets lower.
But I don’t know. When a defeat hits me really hard I just want to burrow myself and destroy all of the other things I have. What is it worth anyway? I only see the bad things. “He/she doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore”, “He/she never calls me”, “He/she never writes unless I do first”, “He/she likes that person better than me”, “He/she will ditch me because I’m not happy and fun anymore”, “We’re not as close as we used to be”. So on, so forth. Basically I end up a jealous, sad and self-pitying bastard. And I’m like, yeah… I don’t have the energy to fight anymore anyway. It saddens me that good things fall away from me, like to the bottom of my heart. Hurts soooo bad. I sometimes waste more energy being sad about the things that I lose (or fear of losing) than being happy about the things I have. Sadly. Why am I such a grieving and resentful person? And why do I feel like the second choice? I suck.