At this point I would usually be a bit sad that the weekend already is over. Sad might be the wrong word but you know what I mean. It’s Easter and thus we’ve been off work since Thursday but I happened to have to work Friday too so this far I’ve only been having a regular weekend. It’s been a good one in any case with surprisingly good weather which for some reason makes you worry a whole lot less than you usually do. It lifts the weights off of your shoulders in a particularly pleasant way.
My leg muscles are so very sore today. Calves and thighs in particular. Went for a run yesterday to test out how good my pace was on flat and hard terrain. Also ran 10km which is a bit longer than I usually run. Was completely exhausted in the end but I’m proud that I’m disciplined enough to finish what I set out to do. I could have easily stopped after 6-7km because the last ones were really fucking tough. But I made it and I also set a new personal record for the 10k. Now I’m almost under 50 minutes. And certainly faster than I’ve ever been. Feels great!
I’ve also had the pleasure of going to the restaurant with my family to celebrate my birthday. It’s always really nice and this was not an exception. Great food, great company and great service. I got the cutest video of a friend wishing me happy birthday (albeit a bit early). I got in touch with an ex colleague that I’ve missed for the past two weeks. I’ve been out biking and running. Had lunch with the cycling guys. Hung out with my best buddy watching a movie and goofing off. So basically even if this would’ve been a regular weekend I would have been pretty darn content.
But today I can fall asleep knowing that tomorrow is all free. Almost. Have some stuff I gotta take care of and in the evening we’re going to the movie theatre to watch the new Batman movie. A wee bit excited about that even though I know it’s not going to be anything exceptional by any means. Still there are some parts of it (or at least of the trailers) that gave me goosebumps. And while we’re on the subject, have you seen the latest X-Men trailer? Bloody awesome.
I’ve been continuing to watch Daredevil and the more I see the more I love it. Characters that you truly can sympathize with and that don’t have only one side to them. They feel deep in that they all have a background and they’re not black and white. I like that. I really like the performances some of the actors are putting in as well. Plus the chemistry between some of the characters is super. So yeah, only a few episodes left now. That is always a shame. All good things must come to an end.
What else..? Uhm, not much I guess. Glad I’m still dealing good with the whole “there’s never enough time” issue that I have going on. There are always so many things that I would like to do but I never get around to do all of them. Magazines that I wanna read. Books I wanna read. Movies I wanna watch. Games I wanna play. But nowadays I only do what I feel like at the moment. There are some things I really feel that I have to do, or that I’m obliged to do, like work and exercise, but apart from that I don’t really care much for how I spend my time. As long as it’s fun. It might sound odd because this is natural to most of us. But not to me.
So yeah, all is good mostly. There are just two things bugging me a bit. The first one is that I can’t quite shake work when I’m supposed to be free. For instance now that I wanted to take Tuesday off because 1) I had saved vacation days that I wanted to use, 2) I felt that I needed the rest and 3) it’s my birthday… I just can’t properly. Had to work Friday because some things needed to get done before next week arrived. And I have to work a bit tomorrow so that my colleague can start his work on Tuesday when I won’t be there. It’s fun and all that the organisation is dependent on you but it sucks when you can’t properly be free when you’re supposed to.
And the second thing is that I’ve recently gotten reminded about the fact that I’m missing a person in my life. I have dreams from time to time about being close to someone, caring for someone, cuddling someone, kissing someone on the forehead. Those things I miss. I’m also sexually frustrated from time to time which is natural given that it’s been three years since I had an intimate relationship with a person. Some say that I should just go out and find someone for a night but that’s not how it works for me. I’m too honest of a person for that to work with me. I just can’t do it, even if that’s what I wanted.
While I realize that these cravings, for lack of a better word, won’t go away I wish I could just do fine alone for a while. Maybe spring will help with that. Eventually I know I will have to go on the search for that particular person again but for now I don’t have the energy nor the self esteem. I just don’t believe in the whole dating thing. It has never really been my way of meeting people. It’s not as relaxed as I want it to be. Connecting with a person is supposed to be something good. Not something you do to evaluate someone else. But maybe I’m just overthinking it.
In any case, I’m happy about my current situation. It could be a whole lot worse given the circumstances. So happy that I’m dealing this good with it and that I’m still going strong. One year ago I was a complete wreck and now I feel as strong as ever. Mentally and physically. It can only get better from here on.
Take care peeps and I love you all~