Emotions are running high, while at the same time I don’t feel much at all. Strange experience. It’s been a couple of real exhausting days mentally, challenging to say the least. Finally arrived at a long awaited weekend though. I wish I could feel better about it but surely it’ll sink in in due time. No real plans for these two days. Take it hour by hour, but I’m sure to go for a walk real soon. Tomorrow I wanna visit a couple I’m friends with that are getting two little kitty fur balls.

So what’s been up? I can’t go into details since it’s sensitive and I want to protect my friends. But basically a lot of stuff has happened at work. It’s been quite turbulent to say the least but I hope we are doing OK now, or at least on the right path. When lots has to get done over a short period of time it tends to wear on people and it brings out the worst in them. We’ve had arguments and disputes about how to do stuff but most of it has been resolved.

Unfortunately this Thursday I felt that a meeting we had went pretty bad since especially two people couldn’t see past their differences. They’re both pretty stubborn and proud so no one wants to budge more or less. And I felt that I got stuck in between and couldn’t do my job properly. I talked about it with one of my bosses and she convinced me to talk to all of the involved parties about it and see what could be done. Two of them reacted well and told me that they had felt similarly, but one of them didn’t, and instead blamed much of it on another person. This person, despite being real strong and one I admire lots, got really hurt and sad of course.

So last morning when I got to work I was met by one colleague crying because of personal matters involving a mutual friend, and another one real hurt and not sure whether we thought it his/her fault or if it was just a big misunderstanding. I always have a strong urge to be there for my friends and it pained me to see them sad like this so I felt I wanted to support both of them. Seeing a friend cry is one of those weird situations where you don’t really know what to do. You feel like you just want to shelter them and protect them from the world yet you don’t really know if that’s the right way to deal with it. And what do you say? It’s a fine line between making things better and making things worse. Seeing two of your closest friends cry within the same hour, from different reasons, what are even the odds? It shouldn’t happen. It mustn’t happen.

Eventually I think (and hope) that it panned out OK. I/we managed to persuade the person to stay and talk to one or our bosses and explain about the feelings and afterwards it got a lot better. As for my other friend I’m a bit concerned that I wasn’t able to be there properly since I’m a bit swayed to one of them due to personal reasons but after asking, I hope it was OK. We all had lunch together and I got to see some smiles which truly warmed my heart. Tears, although equally important as laughter, really hurt.

After all of this I still had to talk to my boss about the situation I felt bad about from the other day, and also manage to do some work. The talk went well and I’m proud of being able to stay calm and reasonable after such a tough day, but if I’m honest I didn’t get a whole lot done that day. Hopefully that’s OK.

The rest of the day was OK but my plans for the evening went out the window and I fell asleep oddly early and woke up 1am on the couch. Had lots of strange dreams during the entire night. War, not being able to live up to my assigned task, and trapped in the same couch as a cuddling couple while feeling completely alone. It’s taken me the entire morning to shake the bad feelings off. Hopefully afternoon and evening brings me more joy. I’m gonna go out for a walk now and try to reset my systems.

To all my friends out there, love you lots ♥