When I’m feeling low I try to remind myself of what I’ve done and what I’ve accomplished. Sure, there are a number of things I have failed at, and these things haunt me from time to time. But I think it’s important that we remind ourselves of what we’re capable of.
Today, and most prominent during the evening, I had a brief moment of self pity. I felt lonely. I felt sad about the fact that I feel that I often have to initiate contact with my friends otherwise I end up being alone. Or they only reach out when they need help with something. I felt that everyone has someone but I don’t. I felt that I just don’t suffice, like I’m a second choice all the time. I felt that I’m not interesting enough, not good looking and just a bother to everyone. Sometimes I just wish I could be completely independent and not depend on others to be entirely happy. But that’s just not possible.
In any case I got rid of that feeling by reminding myself of where I’ve come from and what I’ve accomplished this year. All by myself. What I did today. Worked for 11 hours and did some great work. Made my colleagues happy in a number of ways. Took care of all the dishes that lazy people can’t fucking put into the dishwasher. Swapped the rear tire on my bike for a new one. Did some indoor cycling. So yeah, I’m pretty content. I feel like a good person and I feel proud of myself. I’ve made some really good new friends during the year. I’m more fit than ever. I’ve sorted most of my issues though not done with it completely. I feel like I’ve conquered a lot. And for that I’m really proud. I’ve done it mostly myself too, although I’ve had really good help from family and friends. Love all of you who have been there for me. Thanks a lot!
So yeah, while it is easy to fall down and indulge in self pity and self destructive behavior, it’s equally important to remind yourself that you’re a good person. Despite what others might make you believe from time to time by acting like fuckers. Erase those from your life and believe in yourself. No reason to sulk when there’s so much fun to experience 🙂
PS. I’m not all optimistic though. I do have feelings and I do get hurt. I’m not walking on clouds as I used to a couple of weeks back but I’ll be fine. Just remember though that while I may smile and provide you with comfort and support as much as I can, I might eventually need something in return when I myself stumble. And not just “It’ll get better” or “Oh come on, snap out of it”. DS.