I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’ve just watched a good movie or if it comes down to having some whisky and the scent of it bringing back lovely memories, but I feel pretty good tonight. I feel emotional. Movies and alcohol tend to bring that out of me. Maybe I’ll have more of these feelings this week. It’d be nice to have some kind of breakthrough. To properly feel alive.
It’s a tough balance act for me though. Just as I feel really good like that, it can turn around and I have this bad emotion in my entire body instead. A bad gut feeling and like something is crawling under my skin. I can’t really describe it but it’s a feeling where you feel dishonest. Like you’ve done something wrong. Odd. I guess it can be stress. Not being properly relaxed. Ending up here instead of just falling asleep. Or missing someone to hug uncontrollably and share those overwhelming feelings with. I don’t really know. And I’d like to not really care. At least for the moment.