I think I can live with it becoming (or even being) fall if it’s going to be this nice. I left work early today to go for a walk and at times I was really filled with this calm and tranquility that you don’t get to feel very often. It kind of touched me really. Which sounds silly but it’s true. For a moment there I felt like everything was right. I was walking this small gravel road where you feel like you’re on the countryside even though you’re just a mile or so from the city. Fresh air, blue sky, leaves starting to get colored, a small pond. It was very serene. It was a moment and a day that had the qualities of becoming one of the best really.
I wonder if I’m not at a point in life where I’m starting to balance out. It’s been some rough 6-8 months where at times I’ve felt happy and at times not so much. A roller coaster. Very volatile. Now I feel like I’m more at peace with myself. I can enjoy time alone again. Life doesn’t have to travel in the fast lane all the time. There doesn’t have to be an activity on the schedule. It’s nice just to rest in bed and listen to a book. I think this is what I need. And I’m glad I didn’t rush things more than I did. I feel that I’m finally starting to leave the grief and the sadness behind. Not the knowledge, experiences or the memories, but the hurt. It still comes to me in my dreams from time to time but maybe that’s inevitable and a reminder that you’re only human after all.
That said, I don’t know. Maybe things will change again. I’m trying to not have so many expectations at the moment. Trying to take day by day. You never know what life has in store for you. But you can’t rush it either. At the moment I’m actually kind of tired most of the time so I enjoy just coming home and taking it easy. Should probably try to get rest earlier at evenings too. Might be the last piece to the puzzle. All I can say for sure is that I like the people I have in my life at the moment. And despite some tremendous losses I feel that life is being good to me. I am so spoiled, given where I used to be. Which I know I say a lot but you can’t really be thankful enough, can you.
Good night princes and princesses~