These past days are blending together. A typical sign of me not doing so good or that I haven’t been doing anything at all. Maybe a mix of both now to be honest. Today I climbed the skiing slope rather randomly and quite spontaneously. I wasn’t even doing it in a fast pace but I nearly died of course. But it felt good reaching the top and it felt good that it was a light downpour at the time too. I felt that it was OK to feel the way I did. And I didn’t really care. On the way home I fought my inner monsters and I ended up beating them. Felt nice.
It’s now well past bed time and I haven’t done ANYTHING after coming home around half past nine. Been watching some YouTube videos and yeah I guess we all know how easy it is to get stuck there and spend way too much time. And I wonder if I’m allowed to say this because I’m not sure whether it’s true or not but I feel like I haven’t been THAT nostalgic lately. Not so much. Got an ounce of it tonight. But not so bad really. More of like… a realization. And a worrying question.
Found an old photo of her in my Dropbox whilst cleaning out shit. And it wasn’t like… well OK, it was somewhat hurtful but not to the degree that it has been before. More like.. seeing someone you haven’t seen in a long time and remembering them in a good way. Like, damn, she is so pretty and what a wonder it was that someone like that was part of my life, if only for a moment. And I felt like reaching out to those digital pixels and giving them a hug. Oh well. And then I started to wonder, quite worryingly, if I’ll ever meet someone who will, in a way, accept me like that and know and see the whole me, like that. Acknowledge me without judging. I guess I have one friend or maybe two that know me in somewhat the same way but yeah. I miss that. I miss her. That’s just simple facts. And I want to fall in love again and feel all those good feelings and emotions again. But I wonder if I’ll ever have that again. If it’ll ever feel the same again. Probably not, since it was the first time. But uhhh… yeah, wonder if someone will ever give me those moments. Adventures. Music. That I do miss.
I’ve always tried to tell myself that whatever has been achieved in the past can be achieved again in the future. As long as you really want to and as long as you are willing to try your best. But when it comes to people and when it comes to friendship and love, I’m not so sure it can be compared to achievements. And I’m starting to doubt my value and if someone will see it the way she did. Only time will tell for sure. Blah. It’s time to sleep. 3am. Waaaay too late.
I’d completely missed this short trailer for the new Batman game by the way. Check it out:
And some ridiculous photo and a nostalgic one. Hope it’ll raise some laughs~