I wonder if people when hurting you, intentionally, get any satisfaction from it? This is a topic that is particularly close to me and that I feel I’d want to write more about eventually. What I’m curious about is whether the satisfaction they get from putting you down, is greater than the hurt they cause the person on the other side? If it, by any means, is worth it. Justified.

It’s such a silly question really. And for me the answer is totally no. I never strive to hurt another human being. Intentionally or unintentionally. I know I’m no saint. I’ve been known to hurt people in the past and it’s never, ever, a pleasant experience for me. Things like that haunt me for the rest of my life more or less. It gets me feeling the complete opposite way of satisfaction. One of the things I’m least proud of in my life is taking part in bullying. Such a sad act and of course it all comes down to insecurity and idiocy. Another one is indirectly and directly treating my ex girlfriend horribly and in an unjustified manner because I wasn’t doing good and was insecure. Not to mention all the times I’ve been saying bad things about my friends because they haven’t been living up to my “expectations”. In my case all of this catches up with me eventually. I have to deal with it in one way or another. I just can’t wipe it under the carpet and leave it there.

But yeah. I wonder if people realize that, whenever they are channeling their hate, disappointment, hurt, frustration, sadness, anger or what not, there’s always a person on the other side getting hit by that force. And whether this person is affected by that or not is completely individual of course. None the less it’s worth thinking about. I always think twice before talking down someone. Usually it never gets me anything but a bad conscience and a bad reputation. Better think and speak highly of people instead.

I’m sure that even by writing this I will get someone feeling frustrated or angered. Like, what gives him the right to say that and possibly speak so highly of himself. But I’m not. Know this, I’m equally guilty as anyone. When I’m disappointed or hurt I too act out of emotion. Say things that are totally uncalled for or stupid. Act in way that’s totally unlike me. Trying to better myself though. Trying to think people are mostly good and that when they’re hurting each other, or you, or me, it’s because they too are hurt or what not. Which maybe doesn’t give them the right to act in that way, but at least explains their behavior.

I always want to give people a second chance. Or a third one if possible for me. I’d much rather like and love than dislike and hate. It consumes more energy for me to do the latter. It makes me tense and not myself. I remember when a friend approached me a few months back. I’d been so disappointed with her for a long time and for various reasons. Even several times. But when she asked for forgiveness and explained the situation, that she was consumed by how it had all played out. How she couldn’t quite let go of it and be relaxed. Well then of course I didn’t think twice about giving her my “forgiveness”. By that time I was completely over it anyway. And it felt good being a kind human being (if I can say that) rather than a stuck up and resentful one. It felt natural even. I was glad.

I’m not asking anyone not to hurt me or not to be angry with me. Or like, treat me like some kind of wise and old dude that should be a role model to everyone. Heck no. I’m a bad example really, haha. But I try to learn by my mistakes. It’d be great if I could at least inspire someone to think the same way I just wrote. Mind you, I said wrote. I mean, I’m not even following this morale all the time. I’m just a human being. But like I said, it’s worth to think about. I promise you you’ll feel better by making someone smile than making them cry and crinch in pain.

Thanks for listening to me ranting. You’re kind 🙂