I hear this over and over when people sympathize with me because I’m going through a tough time, and they think I’m sad, they misinterpret my mental “illness” so to speak, for sadness. Of course this fucking anxiety thing leads to me being a bit sad but trust me on this: I’m not overly sad! I’m not deep down sad! Actually I’m deep down happy. Knowing that I get to do lots of fun things, I have a job and a home, that I have good friends, friends who care about me, and no real enemies. Sure, I do lack certain things in life that I think are crucial but all in due time and life is rarely perfect, now is it. I thoroughly appreciate people’s sympathy and support though, but it’s sad that my issues come across as sadness. Maybe I should communicate it better, I don’t know. Also people tend to feel uncomfortable or awkward around me just because I’m not as cheerful and talkative as usual. Which of course is tough because I want to be able to be ALL me, not just the cheerful person I am when all is good.

Lots of thoughts now. Lots of me being uncomfortable too. More uncomfortable than I’m used to being as of late. Sigh. Where did all my self esteem and personal integrity go? >_< Paris_Tuileries_Garden_Facepalm_statue