I’m home. Tadaima. It’s been three intense days. Man. I’m not used to sleeping as little as this and at the same time be expected to produce results and actually do something useful. Yeah, I’ve been to this kick-off / conference thing we have with work every year after vacation. What it’s all about? Haha, I just realized my head is so dizzy I can barely explain it. Even though it’s a really simple concept. Actually it’s all about going someplace all of us at work and then do something productive while at the same time having fun together.

This year’s topic was to design and develop a new homepage for ourselves in 48 hours. And we pulled it off! While at the same time managing to eat every second hour (it sure felt like it), drinking beer and drinks, taking a bath in the sea, sauna bathing and so on. All in all it was good fun and I can once again say for sure that my colleagues are true champs. We’re not always fine and dandy but we’re having fun together most of the time and I guess that’s what matters. We spent this year’s conference in Orust at a place called Nösund. Very pretty and the sea temperature was like 23-24 degrees. Pretty much like lukewarm pee. Sweet.

At the end of the conference day two we went to Torpa Stenhus and watched Torpa Slottsteater’s play “Mordet på Silfverleijons Slott”. I haven’t been to a live play before so this was a new experience for me. I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would! Live acting, dancing and singing is cool. Not to mention live music accompanying the play. I was truly captivated by this murder story. You should totally go see it if you haven’t already. They’re playing it to the end of this week so there are not many chances left. This is their homepage.

Oh by the way, behold a lovely comparison of me three and a half years ago and now. Both photos have been used on our homepage. Jesus christ, I’ve been laughing at this photo all day long. Ridiculous. Fat, gloomy and smirky. Thank God I don’t mind looking like a complete fool on photos..

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Today, uh. I’m in that mood again. I had almost forgot that feeling. You know when you’re so tired and so not in the mood that all you do is stare more or less. And all of a sudden 2-3 hours has passed by without you really doing anything at all. The apartment is a mess too. Clean laundry needing to be folded. Stuff all over the place. Dirty dishes. A broken dishwasher. Empty cans. I feel like the apartment is a true reflection of my mental state at the moment. Messy, dirty and sad. At least I went for a walk with Kristofer. Otherwise this day has been a complete mess. Stressful work. Tired like hell. These past 24 hours. Coming home to this apartment. Smelling shitty, empty, messy. From having spent the past 24 hours with nice people. Then having to go to bed instantly so that I could get up early and go to work. Waking up super tired, taking a shower, forcing food into your mouth, getting dressed, brushing teeth and then off. Outside, gloomy and raining mist. It felt like life had ended right there.

It’s quite funny how life after summer vacation can seem so gloomy. How every bad feeling intensifies. How being alone can feel even more lonely. How being alone is a state you choose, despite this. How you don’t feel like doing anything because you’re so tired. How a gloomy day can seem like the end of the world. I can’t really describe this feeling. I had it several times today. Had it a few hours back. Listening to melancholic music and crying hasn’t been as tempting in a long while. At least I have Pacific Rim to look forward to this Friday. I know I sound whiny and yeah, maybe I am. Maybe because I’m channeling all of my thoughts and shit here. I know people would get fed up with it in real life. Eventually. Possibly.

God. And on the topic of him. Remember that episode of Dexter? With that old professor hobo. When he wanted Travis to run over that girl so that they could use her corpse. And Travis was like.. “There’s someone with her. He looks heavy.” to which the professor replied: “Not heavier than God!”, put his foot firmly on the accelerator and ran them both over. Haha. Lovely moment <3 GOOOOOOD! Now it's time to cease and desist. Or maybe cease to exist. I bet things wouldn't be better, and I bet things will be better. Eventually. But for now, let me feel like this. Maybe even sympathize because you know what it's like sometimes. No, I'm just kidding. Why sympathize with me? I know you all hate me, right? Fine. So be it. I'll just... disappear. Rascal Flatts – Let It Hurt
Brad Paisley – Then (Piano Mix)
Darius Rucker – We All Fall Down
Imogen Heap – Hide And Seek
Regina Spektor – Samson
Imagine Dragons – Bleeding Out
Imagine Dragons – Demons
Pete Yorn – Someday

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