This is funny. I told myself that I would probably (probably being key here..) never write anything in my life again. At least not in this way. What I kind of had in mind would be to share knowledge of mine. Personal experiences when it came to work for instance. Stuff that I know and that could quite possibly come in handy for somebody else. But this, no.
Then again, there’s so much that goes through my head on a daily day. I’m a thinker. For better or worse. It’s chaos up there every now and then, and my brain tries to make sense of it all by sorting the chaos out. Finding reasons. Why did that happen? Why do I feel this way? What caused that? I guess it’s only human. We all work like that. I seem to remember that some teacher in college told us this once. That without this feature of the brain, we’d all live in chaos.
It’s like with our hearing. If we would process everything that we hear, all the time, we’d go nuts. Instead, the brain picks out certain sounds that we’d probably want to hear, or that we want to listen to. You know, when you’re really tired and you’re just about to fall asleep… maybe you’re in a classroom. We’ve all been there, right? Stayed up too late last night, for some reason, and all our brain wants to do now is shut down. Let me sleep. What you hear at that moments is just a mess of sounds. They’re not distinct in any way. They’re just sounds, without real meaning. The brain being nifty though, as I said, it only selects a few key sounds that we want to listen to at that moment in time. At least when it’s sharp enough to work the way it’s supposed to.
I guess this goes for thoughts as well. Thoughts which are of course derived from things that happen to us when we go about to live our lives. It would be convenient to just not care about everything but then we would not learn and we would not be able to get any wiser. I sometimes wish that I could be more dumb in a sense. And not really care. Just let things happen and not really try to find out why it happened. But it doesn’t work like that for me. Like I said earlier, I try to find reasons. I want to sort things out. I can’t really feel at ease without knowing the cause of things.
So that’s why I thought I’d try this writing stuff. An old colleague of mine told me to give it a go. Whenever I feel bad about something I just spit it out in some form. To a friend. A social media. I just have to get it out. It’s a way of processing it. You know when you have a problem and you just describe it to your friend? All of a sudden the solution comes to you, just by explaining it. I was hoping that maybe by writing about my thoughts and emotions, maybe it’d make me feel a bit more at ease. Hoping it will. And if not… well, at least I tried, right?
I might just share other things as well, but it all comes down to time. I tried this thing called Evernote a couple of months back. I like the idea of storing a record of what you’re doing. You might have guessed by now but I’m a nostalgic person. I love good memories. I love memories in general. They tend to be good, otherwise you mostly force delete them in a sense, haha. But anyway, this whole idea of storing a note of what you do. Like a diary. Memories are precious to me, I don’t want them to be gone. Not that they would disappear like that… but you know.
So yeah, that’s that. My short intro turned into a long letter of sorts. That’s me too. Wanting to be short and to the point, but ending up with a short novel. Damnit. At least I’m writing this for me and not forcing anyone to read. Yeah, let’s say that for now.. 🙂